6 thoughts on turning 60

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Turning 60 is a milestone that brings with it a sense of freedom. For many of us reaching this age, it offers a period of profound transformation where the focus shifts from the external to the internal, from proving oneself to understanding oneself. It’s a time when the societal pressures that might have felt like a heavy burden begin to dissolve, leaving space for a deeper expression of who we are.

I have found one the most wonderful aspect of entering this decade is the freedom to claim all of my talents and dysfunctions with the diminishing constraints of worrying about the expectations of my environment. I have a sense that the days of navigating life based on my environments judgments or expectation are behind me. Instead, I find myself at a place and time where personal contentment and fulfilment takes precedence, where my desires and curiosity lead the way. This newfound freedom is just that freeing.

Perhaps the most liberating aspect of turning 60 is the ability to let go of the ego and the incessant need to prove oneself. There’s a profound peace that comes with understanding that our worth is not tied to our achievements or how we’re perceived by others. This realisation allows us to move through the world with a grace and ease that was perhaps elusive in our earlier years. It is possible to no longer crave validation; finding satisfaction in our ability to just be ourselves, embracing what is without judgement or comparisons.

Being able to make that shift brings significant shift in how we view others. As we learn to release judgment of ourselves, we naturally extend the same courtesy to those around us. This empathy and understanding comes from awareness and ownership of our own imperfections and the recognition that everyone is trying to navigate their own way in the world. In the words of Sydney Banks “everyone is doing the best they can with the thinking that looks real to them.” If we can live in that openness, we will foster a sense of community and connection that enriches our lives and the lives of those around us.

Moreover, in this my 60th year my desire to use the resources I have to make a difference in the world is greater than ever and I am grateful to be working with organisations that have a social purpose. My work is incredibly fulfilling, as I focus my wisdom to help others achieve their goals, helping communities without compromising their wellbeing, so their work is sustainable. I am aware I am privileged, with all the opportunities I have had and taken to learn and grow, so now reaching 60 I am able to embrace my opportunities and feel blessed to do so.

It is not that I never compare myself or feel elated when I am given some recognition, it is just that I don’t linger there or need it to feel positive about myself. I am writing this as a celebration and hope in so doing I am speaking to others that are also in a time of transition. Last weekend for the first time I delivered a wonderful training programme for coaches with a friend that is definitively more advanced in years than I, together we created something new. She is such an inspiration, and I am filled with excitement of the prospect of continuing to love what I do and make a difference in the world from a place of wonder, joy, and freedom for many more years to come.

#leadership #wisdom #freedom #authenticity #vulnerability

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Capacity of Love

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I was seven years old and watching my father. He was rolling on the floor shouting that he was dying. My mother was standing and watching. She had put a blanket on the floor, under him as he rolled in his excrement. I felt no pity. The only thought I remember was that I would never sink so low.

I was a 7-year-old from a poor family. But I had a sense of pride, a courageous heart, a wonderful mother and buckets of love from my grandmothers. My father had another side – he was amazingly creative; he could create such wonderful art and tell spell-binding stories. But most of the time he lived in fear, and he drank himself to bravery.

At the age of eleven, in my maths class my inspirational teacher asked me to come and show the rest of my class how to solve a maths problem. I went up to the blackboard. I was happy to show off how clever I was, and also to help everybody else in doing so.

When I sat back down the teacher asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up. “I’m going to be an occupational therapist” I told her. She couldn’t hide the disappointment, and said, “Well if you change your mind, you would make an excellent maths teacher”. In the event, I became a little bit of both.

By that time the family had escaped my father. Looking back, I can see that I had already learned that creativity can be the most wonderful way to wellness. Maybe that’s why I’d had the idea of becoming an occupational therapist. When my father was drawing, he was at his best, and then I could be so proud to say, “Look at what my dad can do!”.

Here is what I have now learned. It is that when we create, our minds can become still. When we are focused on the subject or object we are bringing to life, in that stillness, we connect to our own innate well-being, our oneness and our godliness. Only between the active thoughts can we connect to our true selves.

It’s almost as though we wear super dark glasses all the time when the sun is out. For years we walk around in these dark glasses, and they become so much part of us that no longer perceive them as a separate thing. Our eyes adjust to the reality that the sun never shines brightly. We surround ourselves with expensive sun substitutes to help us see, while we continue to wear the dark glasses.

When we create, we are taking those glasses off. We can throw away the sun substitutes and see more clearly than ever seen before, in a beautiful perfect light. But then we go back to autopilot and put the dark glasses on. And again, we surround ourselves with sun substitutes to help us see better in the darkness, when all we really needed to do is take off the bloody glasses.

Does that resonate in some way?

My father’s substitutes were alcohol and gambling. The dark glasses blinded him not only from the suns light but from love. He could only experience love when the glasses were off. But as he grew more fearful his emotional capacity to see in the beautiful light of the sun became more and more diminished. So, he kept the glasses on and substituted love and sunlight with addiction.

His story is extreme, but I think we all have the capacity and even tendency to wear our own dark glasses, and seek our form of sun substitute. Over commitment to work, an addiction to winning, keeping ourselves small, holding deep love and connection at a distance ‑ the list is long.

When do you hold on tightly to your dark glasses? What are your sun substitutes? How connected to do feel to the essence of you? How much love do you feel for yourself? How brightly do you allow yourself to shine? Or do you choose to stay small?

When do you feel the true power of sunlight in your life, just imagine what would it take to walk in that sunlight every day. May I suggest that possibility is only a thought away, a click of your fingers, a tap of your heels?

As the quote from Jung points to it is only in experiencing something that you truly know it. I wonder how many of us truly know love or know how beautiful we are. I believe we can all see ourselves and those around us more fully with a shift in thought, a removal of the dark glasses. You may choose to see the substitutes for what they are and let them fall away in an instant. If you remove your dark glasses and can be brave enough to experience the full power of the sun, it will still be there, even when the clouds roll in..

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Be Brave Not Perfect

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Confidence – how important is it?

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Have you experienced a lapse in confidence? We all have them. Once in a while, the little lapse lasts longer than it should. Sometimes the little lapse turns into a yawning chasm. That’s the moment when folk suddenly start to believe that they’re really not very good at doing whatever it is. They forget to ask themselves about the state of their confidence, and just assume the worst.

Our low confidence impacts on our behavior. That in turn informs how others see us and expect us to behave. Before you know it you are trapped in a cycle of low confidence and low expectations both from yourself and others.

Does that sound familiar? Here is a little exercise you can do to check in with your confidence levels.

First of all, think about a time in your life when you felt very confident. Write down the goals you set yourself then, and the things you achieved. Now write down your latest goals for the next 1 – 3 years. Score your goals for how stretching are they compared to the goals you set at your most confident Score from 1 – 10, with 1 not stretching at all, and 10 very stretching.

Score your likelihood to achieve your goals, again from1 – 10 with 1 for unlikely to achieve, and 10 for certain to achieve. Now take your mind back to your most confident self and re-score your current goals on likelihood to achieve, but this time using your super confident mindset. Is there a notable difference?

Comparing your confident self with your current self, are there are large discrepancies between ambition and likelihood to achieve? What has made you a different person? What helped you when you were more confident and what could you do now that would give you some of that confidence back?

Some times you just have to act confident to feel confident, however confidence often comes from how we feel and think, neither of which are 100% reliable. It is important to look for evidence of your achievements rather than relying on your feeling and thoughts to assess whether you are capable of achieving a task or a goal.

There is a school of thought that argues it is evidence that determine how we perform. For example if you have recorded a time of 15 seconds to run 100 meters whether you are confident or not you know you can run 100 meters in 15 seconds.

It’s important to remember confidence is a fluctuating thing skills are not. You are not less capable when you are less confident. Base your assessment of yourself on hard evidence, not thoughts and feelings.

In summary look for evidence of your capabilities, then with a knowing mindset do the doing, the more you do the more confident you will become.

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